Lemons In My Bra

I saw a greeting card once – I believe it was a Maxine cartoon – that said on the front “When life gives you lemons . . .” and inside “. . . stick ‘em in your bra.  Can’t hurt, might help.”  I believe that’s an excellent philosophy.

That being said . . . my front yard is currently occupied by a backhoe, a very large dead bush, a huge pile of dirt, aaaaand . . .

. . . a ginormous hole.

Oh yeah, and no sewer line.

Soooooo . . . When life gives you major construction equipment, dead landscaping, a pile of dirt,  and an 8 foot deep pit in your front yard, and malfunctioning plumbing, make pie.  Can’t hurt, might help.

Mmm . . . pie.  This pie is my very favorite thing to bring to functions like family gatherings and work potlucks to spring on unsuspecting non-vegetarians.  Especially if they’ve said things to me like “I could never be a vegetarian, I hate tofu.”  I’ve been told by coworkers that this is the only item that I’m allowed to bring to work potlucks because they would be sad if I didn’t bring it.  The recipe is from Alton Brown’s show Good Eats on the Food Network.  I make only a few minor changes.

Moo-Less Chocolate Pie

• 2 cups chocolate chips
• 1/3 cup coffee liqueur (I’ve used regular coffee and that works well too.  I want to try it sometime with different flavored liqueurs.)
• 1 block silken tofu (I find that firm silken tofu works best if you have a choice)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 prepared chocolate wafer crust (I usually use a plain graham cracker crust.  If you want to skip the crust and make it more portable, you can just spoon the filling into custard cups.  I also think it would be fun to make little bite sized tartlets using those mini, prebaked philo cups.)

Place a small metal bowl over a saucepan with simmering water. Melt the chocolate and coffee liqueur in the bowl. (Melting the chocolate in the microwave also works well.  Just put the chips in a large glass measuring cup with your liquid of choice.  Microwave in short bursts – no more than a minute at a time and shorter as they start to melt – and be sure to stir frequently to check meltiness.)  Stir in vanilla.

Combine the tofu, chocolate mixture, and honey in the blender jar. Liquefy until smooth. (If you use firm tofu, you’ll need to poke at it some to get it all to blend together.)

Pour the filling into the crust and refrigerate for 2 hours, or until the filling is set. (If you use firm tofu this step will require more scraping than pouring, but it’s worth it because the finished pie sets up so much nicer after it’s chilled.)

Serve to your favorite tofu-hater if you want to blow their minds.  Don’t tell them what’s in it until after they taste it.  Alternately, tell them what’s in it, watch them turn up their noses in disgust without tasting it, then enjoy the whole pie yourself.  Mmm . . . pie.