..frazzled..

Yup, that’s me. Dh asked me a funny question yesterday. Sometimes I wonder where he comes up with this stuff, but other times I think he might have something…

Last night he asked me, “Do you think you are being tested?” After requesting more clarification even though I did have a pretty good idea what he was talking about, he asked again- “Do you think you are being tested?” He has observed that I have become very disciplined regarding my physical self..

For example, I guard everything that is either going into my body or coming near to it.. I respect my body in such a way that I am truly trying to keep it my ‘temple’. He’s very observant and has obviously noticed this. He seems to think I have come to some sort of conclusion with that regard. He comments often how much I have changed, how much my confidence has increased, how much I see things my own way, with confidence..

Just yesterday I was doing something, I can’t think of what at the moment but he started to make dinner. When I had finished what ever it was that I was doing.. Probably something to do with the baby, I told him I could either take over or help in another way.. You know like tidy up or whatever.

He was about to do something and what he was doing was not at all my way of doing it.. it wasn’t wrong per say but it’s wasn’t right either, nor was it at all efficient. I stepped in and told him how to correctly do it. He was upset.

I suspect his feelings were hurt and he called me a control freak. Last week I am arrogant and now I am controlling.

Then he said… “Just because I am not doing it your way doesn’t make it wrong!”

 OH MY GOSH!!! I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.. I was laughing so hard that I was crying. That for me was a true full circle moment.. The proverbial shoe was absolutely on the other foot. How many times in the years that we have lived together have I said that to him and how many times has be gotten ANGRY with me for not doing as he says!!!

Oh it was so priceless.. I feel like laughing all over again just rethinking about it.

I told him that he is sure right, the tables are turning.. But the point is balance, not to tip the scales fully one way or another.

Okay back to my original thought.. He was asking me about being tested I guess because now that I am managing so well physically, next he wonders if I am capable of surviving mentally.

Our home is pure chaos at the moment, every day a new drama to deal with, everyday a fresh batch of lies and cover ups.. Not to mention the task of living. Carrying out our everyday lives that had never been mundane even in the quietest of times, the back to school rush, the organization of all the places I have my hands into.. all the while maintaining the home life.

I did great yesterday, I gave my laundry some tender love and care, my home is sparkling clean again, I’ve been doing pretty good in the dinner department, I have walked twice this week and I am planning to go running at lunch today..

But again back to the test question. I don’t know how to answer that. I don’t think so actually. At least not in that way.

I guess I wouldn’t call it testing really but a trial. I think these moments we are living right now are trials and dramas, meant to come before us in this exact way to maybe bring more awareness to the reality of life.  To the greater good. That’s about all I can say to that, but inadvertently tested.. no, I don’t think so, not this time.

Anyways I am done my lunch so I had better get back to work.. I have a good harvest of tomatoes to work on today, I am going to stew them when I get home from the school. Running club, here we go..

On another note I slept during the day again yesterday. At 2 30pm I layed down and immediately fell asleep, I woke again around 3 45. So strange. In more that ten years- I simply do not nap. I’ve napped 3 times in two weeks. Obviously I wasn’t picking up the kids yesterday.. don’t worry I am not shirking any responsibility’s.. LOL. But it is strange..

I went for a nice walk this morning. It was so fresh, it felt great.

Okay back to work.